Whoops, I did it again!

Today was the day on my calendar this week to send out a new email to this list. It is a recurring event on my calendar. While I am all about striving for time, money and location freedom - I do need a bit of structure and planning in parts of my life to feel like I am safe, supported, and giving myself the best opportunity to spend my time wisely.

So here we are coming close to dinner time - and my day has consisted of:

1. A morning swim in the ocean and walk on the beach

2. Breakfast

3. Chatting with a friend

4. Finishing the last chapter of a novel I was reading

5. Futzing around on my computer and social media

6. Doing some research for a real estate client

7. Booking a flight

8. Going to the pool to swim and do more reading

9. Taking a nap . . .

Of course, after each of these activities I told myself that when I was finished with that thing, I would get down to writing my email. So after my nap it was time to get down to it so I:

1. Washed some dishes

2. Changed out the trash bag

3. Checked my email on my phone

4. Had a snack

5. Made a reservation at a museum I want to see in Mexico . . ..

Anyone see a pattern here? LOL! And while I was in the midst of these other activities that just had to get done before I started my email, it HIT me! I was unconsciously rebelling against a completely made up schedule/requirement/expectation that I should put out an email every week like clockwork. In my head, I adopted a pattern and belief that said if I didn’t have my emails to my list scheduled regularly I would be judged as flaky, unprofessional, unreliable - maybe even unlovable. People would lose interest and unsubscribe. These things would make me an utter failure at business and at life - and the repercussions were basically unrecoverable from. (Spoiler alert - all complete nonsense!)

Now, you may be chuckling to yourself - but I can pretty much guarantee you that you also have fallen into a similar pattern about something in your life whether its an email to write, going to the gym, attending a networking event, hosting a family dinner, reading a book, asking for a raise - it really doesn’t matter what the thing is. It might even be something you definitely DO want to do. And many times that is the case - like me writing to you all. 🙂 But for some reason, the expectation or timing or schedule we set just feels uncomfortable, or inconvenient, or scary, or boring - or, whatever. And yet we keep trying to stick to that arbitrary requirement to do the thing for any number of reasons (all made up remember) and then we get to beat ourselves up about failing.

Here’s the thing. More often than not, if we can give ourselves the grace and space to do things in our life when it feels aligned, or at ease or in flow - we can accomplish more or be more efficient and effective than if we force ourselves to adhere to some other arbitrary measure. Even tasks that have real deadlines, can still get done quite effectively if we allow ourselves to release all the made up rules and regs we have created or adopted for how they must get done.

Have you ever watched when a fly struggles to get outside via the pane of glass in your window? How they struggle again and again to push against the glass - as if they are thinking that if they just knock their head against it one more time they will finally get through and be outside? And we as observers note that no matter how diligently they keep going at that glass and no matter how earnestly they expend energy to do so - they ain’t getting outside? Yeah, its kinda like that.

It is VERY easy to fall into this pattern when we cruise on auto pilot - and even people like me who are consciously trying to build our proverbial muscles around being present and intentional and authentically ourselves can fall prey to it from time to time. I (and you!) will always be a work in progress. But we can get better and better at recognizing those patterns when they come up to disrupt them. For me to recognize in the same day that I was doing it is light years from things I did for YEARS without realizing is a huge win in my book!

So think about those things in your life where you feel like the fly. Take a few breaths, maybe even hug yourself if you need to, then grant yourself some grace and forgiveness for being a normal human - and decide differently. And do this over and over when you recognize the pattern. This isn’t a graded test - you cannot fail and nobody is watching. You have permission for a mulligan any time you want, no questions asked by the universe.

Until next time! Be kind to yourself, be curious, and be BRAVE!

—Sharon

Feel like buying me a virtual cup of coffee? 😉 ☕️