It's not about your stumble . . .

It's about your rebound

Author

Sharon Welch
February 28, 2024

It’s not about your stumble . . .

It has been kind of a challenging (ok, crappy) week or two. I have been struggling with a number of things that seemed to come to the surface all at once.

One, I am feeling a bit travel-weary. I am about 3 months into this grand experiment. And yeah, I am kind of tired. I sometimes struggle to feel rooted. My vision for how this winter would look and feel like is a bit different than what actually transpired. I am realizing the trade offs between being comfortable and living my truth.

And yes also, I have felt some guilt and shame about “complaining” or “whining” about my struggles in this area. I mean, this is a problem of privilege isn’t it? So many people never have the luxury of being able to do what I am doing. I am getting to see and experience incredible, fun, and inspiring things. I am unchained from the grind of a cold winter. I have freedom and sunshine. How can I possibly experience feelings of regret, or sadness, or boredom - or any of a million other seemingly negative or ungrateful feelings? Well I do and I have. And its ok. I have permission. I can both be grateful - and tired, sad or bored at times.

Second, while I am perfectly capable and content to strike out on my own to lead a fulfilling life, thank you very much - I truly desire to have a life partner to share this bold, brave, fun and authentic journey of a life with. It’s the sharing and co-creating that makes it sweet. And yet, I have turned over many rocks and kissed many frogs only to find in the end it just wasn’t the right one. This past week, it happened again. In a vacuum, we were a perfect match. In the real world? I didn’t want his life, and he didn’t want mine. Right person, wrong time? Maybe. But it still sucks when you come to the conclusion you didn’t want.

Sometimes its all just too much!

And finally - perhaps most applicable to something you may have experienced is this overwhelming anxiety and fear I have felt about the direction of my life. I have been doing the personal growth work. I have been taking the next aligned steps. I have been visualizing and owning my best outcomes. And for some reason this last couple of weeks, the ego/critter brain gremlins have come out in full force causing me to question myself. Do I even know what I am doing? Am I even capable of making sound decisions? What if I am kidding myself that I can have the exact life I want on my own terms? Do I have to trade off one big desire to have another? Should I just stop pushing and instead go with the comfortable flow? What if I lose all my friends, clients and support structures by insisting on being who I really am?

Anyone been there?

So yeah - it has been a lot to navigate. When I look back on it from the other side I can tell you this: It is all normal. It is all ok. Nothing is permanent. The voices inside my head do not control me - or even really reflect who I really am. I am fine - you are fine.

So here is what I did:

  • I let myself lay in bed drinking cocoa, watching Netflix, napping and listening to sad heartbreak playlists for about a day and half . . .and then I got up, took a shower, drank some water and made myself go for a walk in the park in the sunshine.

  • I felt all my feelings - I cried, I got angry, I was mopey. They all got to come and say their piece . . . .and then I sent them on their way.

  • I acknowledged all my thoughts and fears - and I wrote them down - and then sent them packing off to "yeah, ok, but I am done with that now” land as well.

  • I took a deep breath and went WAY out on my vulnerability limb to reach out to my people asking for help and support. This was a hard one for me because my traditional role has always been as the one with the answers, the strong one, the one with all her stuff together.

Back at it! - exploring beautiful places and even helping Rotary paint a rural school.

What happened after that? I could breathe again - or at least I remembered that at the end of the day I always have my breath - in and out, never failing me, always grounding me. I got to bask in the love and support of my tribe and actually felt stronger because of it, not weaker. Bonus was the gratitude people got to feel for getting the opportunity to “return the favor” and be valued in service themselves. And most importantly, I lived through it. I was human and flawed and maybe did everything wrong by someone’s measure. But it worked for me - and all of the things that had me down or scared or wound up melted away because I didn’t try to push them down and hide them. I let them run their course and then I got back up lighter and brighter, ready to get back on the trail.

And this is what we must do. Recognize that no matter how much work you have done, how well you have meditated or attended yoga all week, how smart and capable you are, how bullet proof your plan is . . .stuff happens. And our egos will never stop trying to regain the control you have been chipping away at throughout your journey. The ego will exploit ANY opportunity to try an “I told you so” or get you back on track with an inner monologue to keep you where you are in safety and fear.

You’ve got this.

By the way, did you know I have a podcast? I would love to hear what you think - and if you like it, you can subscribe on pretty much any of your favorite podcast platforms like Apple, Spotify, YouTube, Amazon Music/Audible, iHeartRadio etc. :)

Until next time! Be kind to yourself, be curious, and be BRAVE!

—Sharon

I am so grateful for the time you take to read this blog. It means the world to me! I have also made it possible to share a virtual cup of coffee with me if you are so inclined! 😉 ☕️