Is it a failure to not always have your -stuff- together? Asking for a friend . . .

It has been a mixed bag of a week. Here I am a little over two weeks into my 4 month stay in Latin America. In some ways it feels like a lot longer, and in some ways it feels like the blink of an eye. I have seen more of this beautiful area around Granada, including a visit to a wonderful and serene cultural center and a return visit for some R&R at Laguna Apoyo. And also, I was sick for a few days, I was alone at my hostel over the holiday, and a local who I thought I had befriended embarrassed and disrespected me. So yeah, like I said - a mixed bag.

I had some feels about the not so great parts of my week. When I caught a cold and was miserable for a few days - I felt pretty frustrated and cranky with how hard it was to find some basic comforts like honey or soup or vitamins and medication that would be soothingly familiar. Being alone over the holiday wasn’t the biggest of deals (I am not particularly attached to Christmas per se), but wandering around in my bubble observing families and friends gathering together during that time certainly made me wistful for what I had left behind at home and brought on a tiny bit of FOMO for sure. And when I showed some vulnerability in befriending a young waiter I had encountered several times - thinking it would be a great way to practice my Spanish and learn more from the locals - turns out I was mistaken in why he was being so nice to me. It hurt my feelings and made me feel kinda dumb that I had put myself out there and had woefully misjudged him. (I am grateful this came to light before we ever met up solo for coffee, trust me!)

We can build up in our minds how things are “supposed to go” which sets us up for a feeling of failure or shame when they play out differently.

I did feel a little sorry for myself - and if I am honest, I felt some shame that I wasn’t “killin’ it” 24/7 when I knew people were watching me and may or may not have certain expectations for what they see me doing or behaving or accomplishing. If you know me, you know this is exactly the type of ego thinking I warn about. So yep, I can confirm for you that even I fall prey to it from time to time. My pity party was fairly short-lived with only mild, lingering consequences. I still find that my mind wants to go back and spin drama up again (oh how our egos love the drama!) but those are fading as I get back into practicing mindfulness and presence - and frankly, extra doses of self love and kindness.

Maybe the new golden rule is “Do unto yourself as you would do unto others” - since we seem to show kindness to strangers more than we cut ourselves some slack!

The point is for all of us - we are human, and messy, and perfectly imperfect. Stuff happens. And largely the only meaning any particular things has is the one we give it. The only control we have over any of it is how we choose to respond. And if our initial response isn’t so great? So what? Decide to respond differently as soon as you notice it. You are allowed to lol! The key phrase is “when you notice it.” We need a level of curiosity in our lives that compels us to ask “why?” and to dig deeper when we start to have a particular reaction to something. The curiosity allows us to not get caught up in the emotional swirl of it and just explore what it really is.

I have no doubt I will have more of those moments of loneliness, doubt, embarrassment, frustration - all of it - during this trip (and forever and ever amen lol) - but I have received such benefit from really internalizing the tools and concepts that I talk about. And I will continue to call myself out and tell you about them when they happen because I think its what we need to do. We need to come out of hiding from each other, turn off the Instagram filters and just be real with each other.

SO ANYWAYS! 😃 About that Cultural Center! The center at the San Francisco (St. Francis) convent was truly lovely. The exhibits throughout the buildings and grounds were a wonderful representation of the culture and history of the area, and the outdoor courtyard was one of the most peaceful places I have ever been. I sat there just doing nothing but drink it in for over half an hour. I am pretty sure I will pay the admission to go back again just for that part. Highly recommend! Five stars! 🌠 🌠 🌠 🌠 🌠 

Until next time! Be kind to yourself, be curious, and be BRAVE!

—Sharon

Feel like buying me a virtual cup of coffee? 😉 ☕️